See, the thing about you is, you’re not your own person. You follow the crowd and you make up lies similar to shit that’s happening in my life or my friends lives to make yourself seem like you’re one of us. You’re just strange. Nothing about you is appealing anymore. And you speak of my bedroom romps like you know me. Like you’re not the real slut sleeping with men to feel loved. You’re just being worn out. And used. You’re the laughing stock of all my friends. We look at you and the shit you do and just crack up. Because you’re crazy and it’s not the tolerable kind anymore.
See you, you’re hiding some deep dark secret. If you just wanted to ignore me and act like I don’t care, why not do that instead of stringing me along the way you are? Am I retarded to think we have chemistry? Or maybe they’re all right and you really are gay. Because that little date you tried to set up was either to see him or to see me. But you throw the mixest of signals. This is why you’ll probably never find a match. You’re confusing. And if you thought that you could be a respectable gay guy with your small stature and smaller parts. You’ll be the laughing stock of the gay community. I set my standards low with you. I think it’s time for me to raise the bar.
What I’m feeling is unexplainable.
I broke down all barriers and found myself. All the things I need to fix and change in order to be a better person. I kinda learned how to live again in myself not needing all these chemicals. I really must now learn to be myself and embrace the sharp witted nerd I really am on the inside. Embrace it because the portrayal of person I was was not the person I am.
I’m better than that person who couldn’t see that she’s not comfortable in her own skin. I’m not that person who has no self esteem and is afraid to let her real self shine through. This girl is new. She’s got a different outlook. She is refined. She is still FATIMA but a more thoughtful and tolerable version.
The Fatima on drugs was a bad Fatima. Not the Fatima that is easy to embrace. Fatima on drugs is entertaining but Fatima on drugs is not who I am. Fatima on drugs embarrasses me sometimes. Most things about her I don’t even like and I AM HER.
I fell off the path a little bit but I’m ready to get back on. I just needed this experience to show Fatima… STOP TAKING THINGS FOR GRANTED. Appreciate the people around you. Be aware. Trust your gut because girl, you’re right 85% of the time anyway. (I have a third eye)
Turned off. Tuned in. Dropping the fuck out. I am me and I’m finally excepting that.
Sometimes I care about Nathan.
Other times, I really don’t.
Naybody can really tell me what to do.
I follow my own rules.
When people say Nay to me I smack ‘em in the face.
Cause I make my own rules and I aint havin Nayne of that BOYS NOIZE.
